Journal Entry

To acquire sufficient amount of attainable objectives appears to be my struggle. A necessity for fulfillment in life has been created outside of my own knowledge. It appears that if I am not learning, that I am standing at a stand still and time becomes torturous. If I am not doing something that falls within my interest I begin to regret my weakness of patience. You’d think that relaxing the mind of continuous movement would be a reward, but nothing I do is a rewarding event. Small things can be bundled and accomplished with no reward, other than keeping the mind moving at a slow pace. This is where my confusion sets in and can slowly transform into anger. I become uneasy with no continuous activity, yet become agitated if the activities have me at a slow pace. Im fast to discover and discuss how balance is valuable in all areas of life, yet struggle to minimize my requirements that were sub-consciously developed within my head. Peace seems to come thru when I review ancient writings. An understanding to balance and patience is learned but difficult to practice when rooted in lonely soil. What more of a show can a dead tree show, if one has no living tree in sight? What beauty does a living tree show if there is no trees to compare its beauty too? A man with no shower, family, home, or money seems to be blessed with plenty as he roves alone in the country side where fruits grow, game run, and rivers flow. A wealthy man who enjoys everyday hygiene, overactive phone calls, a loving family, and sufficient wealth will himself seem to become lost and alone in this countryside with no radio towers, heated water, family, or a reason for money. Theres a difference in this all though that the world has not made reasonable. This wealthy man will grieve then learn to appreciate what is here and survive, while the man with nothing gains from the country and has no opportunity of survival if he were to be thrown into a land of technology, wealth, and love. He is kicked and stoned for being in the environment he was not suitable for, while the country welcomes all with open arms. The fields blessed to is all will not condemn you, or throw stones at you for what you lost but balance what you need.

K.I.R.K

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Explore Me

Explore me

This is not just a regular exploration. I could have set the destination in a private setting , but instead invite you to come along. Do not pack much of your own equipment, for its not needed. Better yet, bring an empty bag along and allow me to remove some from my bag and we can share the wait. The more that come, the less we all must carry. We will all hold pieces of my own equipment at low wait and can unpack it together once we find our destination. This is merely a quick trip to understand a tiny piece of myself that is better to be shared with you than marked away on the map and thrown in the drawer.

Writing and admiring the world and singing as i see this world has been a place of comfort. Its as if walking across an unowned field and sitting on top of an unowned cliff overlooking this beautiful land owned by many, yet claimed to be owned by one. My writing, my singing, and admiration does not satisfy the minds of those protecting their substances and ensuring the flow of life can go on. How it feels to be the writer? It must be hard to write your mind and imagination, yet have the burden to pay for the things that were created for all but afforded by few. The nights with a significant other must be hard as well for sharing your words and bright full thoughts are not what they needed to comfort them and insure financial security. How it feels to be the singer? To hit the notes required to attract those around you and build a source of income to make up for the time spent in your booth must be hard. To have those stare at your music and say they believe u have a meaning but it isn’t their type of music must be excepted. To be misunderstood is to be a singer. To perform ove and over and watch so many come and go in life due to your reputation must be frustrating. To be he admirer of the world? What is it you do? I know standing there staring across the valley only benefits your mind, but how do you benefit all? How will the things you see change the fact that you have been placed into a corner of substance? I admire the admirer. I admire the singer. I admire the writer. But sitting here looking over this land is only showing us beauty and building knowledge and preventing a days work that must be done to pay for life. Horrible to pay to live and buy insurance to assist paying in death.

I feel like these explorations are beneficial to only myself and those that travel with me. Its hard to individually insure the security and needs of all those around us are me by our actions. If its hard for me, isn’t it hard for him. I cannot hate, blame, or praise the actions he does. I can only ensure my destinations go traveled and the right equipment is at hand. Subcontiously even tho we are not where the owned land feels we should be, i have lessened the weight on my load and minimized the wait for those that traveled with me. The more that travel the less the weight, but the burden made by the land owned by many is seen by us all as we sit upon the unowned hill enjoying each others company. We look back at how far we have hiked on this unowned path engraved along this unowned field. Substance is a blessing to the world, but a burden because of the tension it has on us all. But the more we travel with each-other, substance becomes equipment and we all share the weight to reduce the tension on our backs. I feel the weight, for few walk beside me. I have been sitting on this hill staring along daydreaming of how it feels to have friends. Dreaming of how it feels to live the life of those i admire. My continuous dream soothes me but effects those close to me for substance of the owned land must be paid for. Do i give up my journey? Or do i wake up zip up my work coat, put the marked map in the drawer, and let the dreamers dream.

K.I.R.K – No date

“Words”

Words are a combination of letters. Appearance is everything. Letters have sounds of their own. When more than one letter is placed together, a new sound is formed. Eventually the appearance or the sound will have a meaning. When meanings or familiarity is created, you have a word. The appearance is a word. The sound is a word, and yet the meaning is more of a stamp. A “stamp” is the proper word to use because all words can’t be used as a direct description of an item, due to the words we have created to be conjoining words that are used only to combine a connection to words that make a more grammaticaly correct sentence.

Its said in some scripture that “God” is the “Word” and the “Word” is “God”. If you seek him, you will find him in the “Word”. Eventually they called the “Words” spoken by the wise, “The Word of God”. God in the word didn’t mean to understand what’s read or seen. It was a way to show that if he was the word then he cannot be the creator, for words are created. To twist the mind and save the search for those who care to search, they avoided saying that “God” is the “Letters”. Theoretically, if you can only find “God” through “Jesus”, then “Jesus” is “The Word”. This is confirmed when you see that the main focus is to understand the teachings of “Jesus”. One could find all things said by “Jesus” and look at the letters for they create the word that he is speaking. He could not have an impact as he did if he was unable to speak words or have words written of his teachings. Perhaps to find the creator, you simply find it in the name “Jesus”.

Save time and don’t dig too deep, just see that if this were true then the words of witnesses or prophets have no meaning beings “God” is only found through “Jesus”. This is using the exact same teaching they instruct us by saying “God” is in the “Word” or even if he is “The Word”. Let’s instead turn to something overlooked. Where do letters come from? Letters were lines or symbols developed by ancient people to communicate not only visually, but a symbol for sounds created. A combination placed correctly had its own meaning so all understood that an item is symbolized by that combination, or that symbol alone. This could have been done by only one, or several, to establish understanding amongst one another. They would teach it so the younger ones would learn it right away, as children learn fast. “Children of God”, or “Children of the Creators of Symbols”. This is only brought to light beacuase the fact symbols and letters were created by “Man”. If “God” was a “Letter” found in a “Word”, then he was made by “Man”. The same “Man” that he created?

“God” could be the “Word” though, because the “Meaning” stamped to a combination of letters would be a decision made from thought and discussions with other thoughts. Thoughts are not made or created by physical objects, even though the ability to remember is a function controlled by the brain. Words are more than what we believe them to be. Its not really the word, but how they were created and transformed in time. How do we expect to understand humanity without knowing or understanding all about words and letters. Aren’t we all just letters with our own voice,sound, and appearance? We must know the creator of the word before we ever claim that we know the creator of the world!

K.I.R.K Jan 1st 2:21 P.M.

Specs in the Eye

Little Dots flutter around like butterflies in the summertime. The only difference to be found is that sometimes you can catch a butterfly, and admire its beauty. When attempting to chase the amusing specs within the eye, you notice they always find a way to escape. Its not for me to say that they can never be seen to their full extent, but I myself am yet to find the trick. I have seen that once you spot one, and train yourself to continue looking the same direction you were, that your side vision will slowly bring it to focus.This may seem as an unrewarding task to some, but allow me to bring it into sight. So much is expected from the world, from so many that inhabit it. The truth is the world will never satisfy your hunger or expectations, just as God cannot fill your needs to the amount you expect. All changes that benefit one person to create happiness will leave another eager for the same. While filling their desires you may interact with a need of another, causing a reduction in fullness for anothers hunger. It is possible to have equal needs between these two and be able to fill their hearts fully and equally, however what happens when you add a third?

These words allow you to see the need for balance now. Now you see the spec slightly in view. Perhaps there should be a way to teach a level of need from the time we are born, so we create balance with what we need to become full. To feed our hungers and desires. From the side of your vision, you can see things a little more clear now. There already is this teaching in place. Religion is the tool for teaching. One must not live by the words, but it is always taught that it would be most beneficial for one to try and live by them. Maybe this is because love and grace create balance in the level of “want”. Removing greediness, or too much want, will reduce the amount of unhappy/unfilled needs expected by the hungry.

Now the beauty of the spec is in full view. Even with much blood shed for religion, as well as evil, we would be left with a world of hate,jealousy, and depression to an extent far greater than ever seen if these teaching were not created. We do not see this, and there is no blame for not seeing. We become upset with the light that was used to teach us to reduce our needs and expectations when it does not meet the expectations we have, or when it has left us hungry. We condemn the dark when it takes away from our plate or places items we did not have an expectation for but can still feed our hunger.

These leave me,myself, in a blurry state of vision. Its to blurry for me to see why we gather and praise what’s given to us and condemn what’s taken from us, yet we praise for taking away unwanted things that can feed your hunger abd condemn those that give us unwanted but edible items. Perhaps I can practice chasing specs long enough to clear up the vison and allow me to see it in its complete beauty. All we have to do is build a desire to learn the mystery of the specs. Remember, you don,t have to search for them all the time. They will eventually make themselves known if we allow them time. Just keep your eyes in the direction you already have them, and allow the side vision of your eyes to gradually bring its beauty into focus. The rewards have to be a most beautiful sight. Tell me, what do you see?

K.I.R.K Dec. 30th 1:21 P.M.

Mother Nature Teaches US

Mother Nature can be just as instructive as any highly paid professor. A branch that has fallen from a tree is often called a twig, a stick, or even a log. The leaves are tools the tree uses to capture and produce life. Once a leaf falls to the ground, it soon becomes just a leaf. The seperation of items once attatched to another, causes that item or both items to eventually become an item of their own.Location in this sence doesn’t determine the overall outcome. The original foundation can be in many types of environment. This means you’d need to determine what type of tree you believe you represent. Some trees survive in an environment that others cannot. You can take this and transform it to a more modern sence that brings it to reality.The reality that I see is despite where the roots began, you’d still be a tree. Trees can be planted anywhere, but your entire well being, or a portion of you will survive in one environment that it may not in another. An understanding of ones own mentality is understood by such a comparison.

Place different types of trees into the different characteristics of your mind. Sometimes a certain part of you can achieve more in one environment than in another. A part of you can have different effects in just one area altogether. When you express your tree out loud its like dropping seeds to be planted around you. The distance of the new tree is the distance you are heard. These expressions, or seed spreading, may bare the plantation of good fruit trees, or may produce 3 or 4 bad trees in the minds of others. Fruit is only defined good or bad by those that use its attributes or use it for consumption.

This seems complex but let’s understand these trees are just pieces of your mind. Your words are seeds blown from these trees. The soil is the mind and a land of many trees is a land of much soil. The piece you choose to admire or consume is just the concept of the fruit. In reality its just a fruit, grown from a tree or fruit tree, which is just a tree growing in this area because the environment is suitable for it, belonging to a forest of trees, growing everywhere, owned by everyone, and grown by YOU in the soil of your own mind.

K.I.R.K Dec. 29th 4:10 P.M

The Blank Page

A blank page isn’t always as it appears. Many will see nothing more than a blank page, with an individual making no achievement in filling in the blanks. The truth is that the eyes of the writer is full. The mind is so overflooded with stories that the chances of describing all that’s seen is reduced. So many mixed emotions, yet there must be one chosen for the overall description. The plot can be made of All the emotions and it will still leave you with one specific lesson in the end. Aggravation starts kicking in and the hands begin to shake because of the flow of continuous thought left unwritten. The writer will give up eventually and just start writing down an eighth of what he sees just to create something the others can see for themselves. To the creator, this is only a pathetic attempt to ease the minds of the unbelievers. Its a disgrace to the one with the vision, but a masterpiece to the reader. Its message and emotion has the ability to move mountains and bring faith within those that need it. It shows a path and direction for the ones that are lost. How interesting that only an eighth of a vision written out of frustration and reduced to such a pathetic form, can become the tools needed to build a new foundation for those that seek it.

K.I.R.K Dec. 27th 10:09 A.M

Outlook

It seems almost too imposible to attain a balance in the mind of those who seek peace. This must be clarified correctly to go further. Some seek peace, meaning they must currently be seeking a reaction. They do not have peace currently, but will travel their own path until they reach what they find to be peace. There are these, then there are those who have peace, but have to stand the obstacles of life that will drive them from peace.

One never truly knows which of the above they stand, and the peace described may also hold more meanings than placed. This is merely a vision placed to assist in a better understanding.

You may or may not know, but understanding and peace seem to lay hand in hand. Misunderstanding or only understanding things in your own personal way will hold the ability to remove peace from someone else while bringing the other to their own peace.

No matter if one in peace knows this and decides to leave understanding to the basics of listening and questioning to ensure the concept of the other is understood and unjudged, the speaker will see and break peace for this peace was not their interpretation of peace.

In the world that has held so many greats, it has also produced many not the same. I myself, will not define myself under either. To say I simply hold an understanding or even attempt to understand reasons for all things, brings out those who wish to break the balance. Again, even now as these words leave me I am only shaking the peace of another or satisfying the peace of another. If silence was the technique, it would only fuel the fire, yet speaking wisely starts the fire.

The concept is not correct or incorrect. The concept is not wise, yet it will seem unwise to those that absorb it like a mirror and attempt to set themselves in the reflection. The outcome is as follows. Peace is unattainable. Understanding is non existent. Interpretation is a huge bowl that just so happens to be filled with portionate ingredients that include understanding and peace. A person will understand in one way or another, speak or remain silent, and with any action this will create peace and no peace. When one is filled with peace, another is not because they despise the peace for the other.

One should not soak on this any longer than the herb soaks within a substance to extract its values. It can simply extract too much or not enough, which can be good or dangerous. I don’t ask you to believe these words but I know you’ll believe only what you wish to from your understanding to create peace to yourself anyways. Its possible that you will think that there’s a label or specific substance I follow or use to have these thoughts, and that’s fine.

The words I say can make one believe I believe In sources that are defined to their reason, or link them well with the definition of others for the purpose to create a disruptive reaction. Since I can see that there is never understanding and no peace, then I can only remain balanced furthermore on my level of a non defined peace. If I react or don’t react or share interpretational thoughts or not, I will still be at my level of peace and drive you away from yours with the outcome being an attempt to bring yourself to peace when its already been granted.

A continuous rotation of confusion results in a mind of distruction. If not to others, then to self. The fact that it cannot be perfection in any sence makes me vulnerable and reliable for the air around me. The need for substances created by other substances brings be to a level of all around me and I have no issues with this for I am A MAN.

Communication!

It’s like a seed that is planted the day your born and becomes a personal plant that grows along side you. The fate of this plant lies with the one taking care of it, as goes the fate of its owner. It can grow alone, or be allowed to seed the soil that surrounds it and expand.

More times than none, I believe it will be allowed to expand. Not because the plant does not have the capability to stay alone, because it can if the owner removes the seeds it drops and/or only cares for that one specific plant allowing the others to die off, but because doing this takes more time than many want to spend on something they are so comfortable with.

Complacency is the word I will use for this. If its something we are born with and see everyday and know it will be there the next day, the complacency starts to sink in. Its this complacency that allows us to start not caring for things as much as we should and this is where nature will take its course.

When nature and common sence can see you appear to think that no matter if you water the plant or do wrong today, that the plant will be there tomorrow, a curve ball will set you off course. That plant may begin to die just so it looks different from the day before and catches your too comfortable attention.

Now comes the test. Do you let this object stay sick or do you revive it. Its a symbol of your personal communication and it boils down to where you have formed yourself. A non selfish man not caught up in his mind on the other things will revive his plant, while others may feel taking time on a plant they have grown tired of seeing will simply allow it to fade. These people also may believe they can just buy a new plant. Even if we were to save the plant, how do we know that we simply wouldn’t become just as complacent as the first time and allow it to be sick again, but rather than be surprised, we would be prepared?

Exausting ones mind just to express a minor point, I know. It has came to this in the world now. I cannot explain a point so basic for everyone to understand without first building a foundation of thought. Even while doing this, man will only take what they personally want from my words. If this is so, how can the preached words from others be believed by me? Perhaps they are pushing their own self brewed understanding of his words onto their people.

I will watch my tongue wisely for the rest, for my words can easily become a weapon used for me or against me. It comes down to this conclusion here.

Communication is a gift we are born with. A concept planted the day we are born. We can become so comfortable that we forget why its there, or we can care for it. We can let our communication stand alone inside ourselves or allow it to plant itself on this earth and expand so our words are taken into the soil of others. When our words are not as strong as what we like, we can work on our communication to bring it back to strength or allow it to die. Some stop communicating sinply to save frustration. Some become so involved with only their plant that communicating with others is aggrivating because they will not understand the other. 

Without understanding there is anger. With anger is war. With war is death. With death is sorrow. Let’s not focus on the negative but all. Without understanding, anger becomes adrenaline. Adrenaline can move mountains. With the ability to do the unthinkable, war becomes a victory. A victory makes pride, but can also create over pride. The death of those in war brings sorrow of those next to that man, but also revenge. People also care for others belongings once they fall. Some do great things in the name of the fallen. If death did not happen, then who would ever understand the glory of living?

We must control ourselves. We must understand ourselves. The concept of live has been presented before us in more ways than even I can see without overwhelming myself. I can say that if I understand every level of communication for myself and the structure in which it is built, I can apply this understanding in a sence to others.

I don’t expect you to understand me. So I cannot be angry or aggrivated when trying to understand you. I have raised my plant as you have raised yours. An open understanding is the overall neccesity in having great communication.

These thoughts that travel along the oceans of my mind do not make me a great, nor a threat. I do not teach, nor preach. I am greatful for the ability to be unchained in the closed mind of reality. I think of myself not as an immortal, but as A MAN.